It’s not a fucking Americano! It’s just a coffee. This is what runs through my mind every time I look at a coffee menu. There shouldn’t be coffee menus. An acceptable question when you ask for a coffee is “would you like milk in that?”. “What type of coffee would you like?” is entirely impermissible.

There are also too many types of meat. Beef is sufficient for most purposes. Lamb may be acceptable in a kebab. Chicken is unnecessary.

In reality, beef and coffee are all that’s needed. Kebabs are a frippery. Lattes an abomination. They symbolise all that’s wrong with our decadent Western civilisation. Milky leg-weakeners.

If Churchill drank lattes the Nazis would be sitting in your house right now eating your digestives. Why do you have digestives? They’re unnecessary too. So are socks.

Churchill drank whisky. Lots of whisky. Gin too.

Now listen to this:


About problemofleisure

Freelance journalist and retired councillor.
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